Book Review: When Crickets Cry by Charles Martin

In When Crickets Cry by Charles Martin, there is sadness, grief, and tragedy but also beauty, love, hope and redemption. I really enjoyed the story which is set in northeast Georgia on lake Burton along with a few visits to Atlanta. The story follows the life of a man named Reese who lives on the lake and encounters a spirited little girl named Annie who shares a medical condition with a lost loved one of Reese. Throughout the story they develop a friendship and Reese eventually finds healing from a massive tragedy in his past. 

For the first 100 pages or so, Reese drops hints of his past life and profession but doesn’t fully lean into openness about it so you begin to pick up on his background as the story progresses. There is quite a bit of medical description and while I have no idea about the accuracy of it, the author must have done substantial research or taken a class in cardiology. At parts the story feels like a medical thriller. 

Other main characters include Annie’s supportive but worn down aunt Cindy as well as Reese’s brother in law Charlie who provides a bit of good natured humor. 

A notable string running through the book are quotes from Shakespeare as well as other poets and writers with Reese and a few others either saying or thinking these. For me, this was a bit more than it needed to be but it wasn’t overly distracting.

It very much reads as a Southern novel and also has some nice touches of Christian faith, scripture, prayer, prophetic dreams, and wisdom woven through it with characters who are comfortable in their faith and it’s just a part of who they are. There are a couple scenes that lean into an evangelistic emphasis and while I didn’t have an overall issue with them and thought there were some good elements in them, it felt like the author was trying to drive a point. 

The timeline jumps back and forth between present day and flashbacks to Reese’s childhood, teenage years, college and early days of a successful career and the deep love he has for his wife from the time they were kids.

Since it was published 20 years ago, there are a few anachronistic things like phone books, pagers, and the occasional person without a cellphone. One theme of poverty and medical bills in the story was puzzling to me since presumably the patient should have qualified for Medicaid. It did make for a recurring pressure and stress on the family perspective and maybe it’s just one of those suspension of disbelief things you have to look past in a story. 

Overall, I really enjoyed the book and thought there was a lot of beauty and wisdom mixed throughout the story alongside kindness, redemption, and healing. I’m glad to have read it and look forward to reading more books by Charles Martin.

Dad Files: Age 2.5 to 3.5 Tantrums, Potty Training, Communication Skills, Soccer, Boy Energy, Holidays, Precious Moments

While each stage of raising a child has its challenges, for me, age 2.5 to 3.5 years old has been the most challenging so far. There is the common adage of the days are long but the years are short. I also think of it as things go fast and slow. In the middle of nuclear meltdown tantrums, potty training difficulties, constant correction, and exhaustion from sleep deprivation, its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel or even if there is a light. But there are also extremely sweet, cute, and fun moments that you want to hold on to forever. 

As you see your child cognitively developing and connecting dots more and more and maturing emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically there can be moments of wanting to pause time and say "Wait, wait don't grow up too fast; I love this part of who you are and the blessing of who you're becoming. Yes, I want you to be able to go to the potty by yourself, dress yourself, clean up after yourself, and many other things but there is so much in this phase that is fun and adorable and precious." It's in those moments that I try to find a little more energy and dig deep to engage with and connect with him even when I'm beyond tired. 

Making Banana Bread

When he's having a hard time and acting out, if I can give him 10 minutes of undivided attention, it goes a long way to filling his love tank. When I'm groggy and still trying to wake up and would like 15 minutes to myself in the morning and he's whining and screaming and generally grumpy because he's awake and wants to be held while I make him breakfast and then sit with me while we both try to eat, I let him do that most of the time. I know this stage will pass and don't want to miss a moment. To capture pieces of it, I sometimes record him talking so I can revisit moments when he's older. 

I've heard people say "use your words" in a humorous context in the past but have a much deeper and more visceral understanding of it now. When you know your child has the ability to express his needs and desires but chooses instead variations on a shaking/screaming tantrum, whining, crying, yelling in anger or exaltation, it can be maddening. "I don't want it, I want it" is also a communication technique of the child as he works through the emotions and what he actually wants or doesn't want. This may be applied to food, toys, bath time, bed time, school, church, daddy, mommy, the cat or other people, items, or events. Related to this is the whiplash of going from a rage filled screaming fit to happy little guy 5 minutes later which can be staggering. 

Allen & Son Inc. building fine log cabins

"We're NOT going to school" may sometimes be a refrain when driving in the car as he expresses strong opinions on where you're driving. Another is “it’s not bedtime, IT’S NOT!" When enthusiastic boy energy is on display, “use your inside voice" is a phrase that finds its way into these contexts. Other common phrases that we'll say are "use your hands to help your feet" when putting on or taking off clothing and "is that a good choice or a bad choice?" Rather than disagree when he makes some statement or expresses his opinion, simply repeating his words can keep the peace even if there is no obligation to carry through on a demand. There's probably a lot to be learned from this form of validating someone's communication and making them feel heard.

Giddy up

Playground Time

Daycare dropoffs can become really challenging at times during this stage even though he mostly enjoys school and he'll sometimes meltdown in the hallway while taking him to his class. This is primarily because he just doesn't want to leave you. Tattling and excuses while calling out the fault of another child can also become prominent and as a parent you can get frustrated because so and so did this or so and so did that even though so and so has never been to your house and your child hasn't seen him in a week or more. 

Waterfall adventure

Child's capacity to open doors during this stage improves meaningfully so if you haven't already installed a childproof door knob apparatus, this is greatly encouraged or else he may be outside before you are aware. Related to this is his running and fast walking capability which makes any outside time vital to keep eyes on him at all times. On days when it has rained or the ground is otherwise wet, a large percentage of puddles must be jumped in. Bonus points if done immediately before getting in the car and putting feet on seats while climbing up.

Snack time: milk & chocolate chips? 

If child is in another part of the house, you will learn to keep an ear out for normal boy sounds and if it becomes quiet should go check in case he is into something he should not be. In several areas around the house you may find hand and finger smudges along the lower part of the walls which are especially notable on the journey up or down stairs. If there is a preference for climbing up or down stairs while leading mainly with one leg, the Dr. Suess line "left foot, right foot, left foot, right feet in the day feet in the night" can be of assistance in engaging the less favored leg. A climbing song like this may also help.

Potty training may take much longer than you ever thought possible and while you may have graduate degrees, composed a symphony, done brain surgery, can do advanced calculus, design financial derivatives, or passed the medical/bar exam, teaching another human to use the potty can be one of the most challenging things you've ever attempted. It's so frustrating when you know that your child has the skills but just can't be bothered to go to the potty when he needs to go. It is amazing though as you do begin to see progress however gradual and his excitement at going to the stand up potty. At some point, you'll reach a phase when there are very few accidents and that feels life changing. To the greatest extent possible, making it fun is really helpful and using songs, reading books, bringing a toy, giving him a potty watch with an alarm, and using funny voices for the potty are all techniques that can help. 

Hiking with sunflowers

Team sports may or may not be a hit at this age. We tried 3 year old soccer at a local church and while well intentioned, I don't think the program designers fully thought through having a child go through relatively lengthy warm up drills. Even if they're fun such as hop like a frog or run like a cheetah without using a soccer ball, your 3 year old is there to play soccer and when he sees the goals and balls elsewhere may run away from the group in pursuit of kicking a soccer ball or other interests. As a parent, this will likely be much funnier in retrospect than in the moment as you're sprinting across the field to corral and redirect him back to the team and encouraging him to listen to and do what coach says. It is also a less than amazing experience when most of the teammates are engaged in the prescribed activity while your child refuses to participate and is laying on the ground. 

First soccer season

Once the team gets around to kicking the soccer ball, the outlook improves. However, in scrimmage, your child may be furious when another child kicks the ball away from him and exhibit his unfiltered emotions in big ways. At one time, among 8 kids on the field that should have been scrimmaging, some were off drinking water, some were sitting or laying on the ground, some wondered elsewhere, and only one was actually still engaged in the game. A good way to describe this phase of athletic development is mob ball spurred on by moments of mass chaos. 

If you try to exercise while in the same room with child, he may want to get involved in the process and

Saturday Morning Pickleball

climb on or lay on top of you. While this adds some additional weight resistance, it can interrupt the normal routine and you may need to creatively do squats while holding the child as the weight, pushups with child laying on top of you, or crunches while using child as an up and down partner. Other athletic related activities that he may enjoy include going to the tennis/pickleball court and either hitting balls with you using the paddle or throwing and chasing balls around the court when his interest diverts. If there is an accessible outdoor basketball hoop, he will also have interest in going to see it and throwing it himself or encouraging you to shoot a basketball, soccer ball, or other bouncy balls into the hoop.  

When brushing teeth, the child may be more interested in eating the toothpaste than applying it to his teeth with a toothbrush so this requires substantial direction and navigating around the tongue by the supervising adult. There are numerous teeth brushing songs available to assist in entertaining and maintaining focus during this time. As child gets older, his teeth brushing skills will improve though he will still require close monitoring and assistance. We've found recently that an electric tooth brush has actually been a fairly successful tool that he can mostly operate himself. Figuring out that you spit out rather than swallow toothpaste is a skill that will require ongoing training and development. 

Snow day!

Child will have much more interest and engagement with holidays. The decorations of each hold special interest and he will talk at great length about the skeletons and Halloween, the turkeys, Christmas lights, the manger, angels, and Valentines. When he sees flags after learning about super heroes, he will sometimes reference the Captain America flag. Also related to super heroes is the interest in putting on capes and masks and running around the house with daddy (who is also clad in a cape and mask) and exhibiting loud noises in pursuit of general super hero activities. 

Our little pumpkin

Polar Express

Happy New Year!

Child usually loves the kitty and may aggressively play with her and chase her around the house yelling "KITTY!" as he gleefully runs after her. It's important to teach gentle hands and being kind to the kitty even if the cat is very patient and tolerant. 

During nap time, there will come a point that he begins to transition away from sleeping and it turns into a private play session. If you have a video monitor,  you can observe all stuffed animals, books, and toys brought into bed with child as he plays and sings for the next 1 to 2 hours. Occasionally this will coincide with an actual nap which makes for a fun picture on the video monitor. There is still value in independent quiet time for you and him even if he does not sleep. If he protests vociferously and simply will not agree to go to his room without screaming, an alternate nap option can be to bring him into a family room and say that we're going to rest our bodies. This can sometimes be a more acceptable communication technique of getting nap/rest time to actually occur.

#NapAnywhere

Child's desired timeline and yours as it relates to bed time routine activities can vary significantly. You will notice glacial speed when eating dinner, walking up the stairs, playing with anything along the way, asking to be picked up or to ride on daddy's shoulders. Child will become skillful at manipulating and requesting one more book, one more song, playing with stuffed animals, being silly, jumping up and down in bed, anything to squeeze another minute/second out of the evening. I actually enjoy the bedtime routine but it comes at the part of the day when you're most tired and just need a few minutes of peace and quiet to yourself so prolonging it can feel hard even though there are also really fun, sweet, and precious moments that you wouldn't trade. It's especially heart warming when your child engages in praying himself and thanks God for different people, events, or things in his life.

Singing Silent Night at Church

Hang in there, post 3.5 years old things begin improving a bit and you'll experience moments of normal human interaction with child. 

For the last Dad Files: Toddler Days post, check out this link.

In pursuit of His best,

Andrew

Book Review: Women of Worth by Bethany Frymire

In Women of Worth, Bethany Frymire gets to the heart of how we think about money. She’s down to earth, genuine, and refreshingly open about her own journey. The writing is engaging and at times even entertaining (how many finance books can say that?). While she offers sound, practical financial advice, the book goes much deeper, addressing identity, faith, and viewing money through the lens of stewardship over all aspects of life.

Reading the book feels like sitting down with a wise and fun friend over coffee or lunch. Bethany is especially relatable to busy moms juggling a hundred responsibilities and comes across not just as a financial expert, but rather a trusted friend who can help guide you along your journey with money. She doesn’t just talk the talk, she lives out the principles and illustrates them through stories from her own life.

Throughout the book, you get the strong impression that she knows God deeply and regularly seeks His guidance. Biblical wisdom is woven through the book in a beautiful tapestry that connects financial decisions with broader areas of life.

While the book is written primarily with women in mind, men can learn a great deal from the stories and practical financial guidance it contains not to mention gain insight into the women in their lives.

The stories of people Bethany has worked with bring the principles to life. She touches on issues such as overcoming debt and shame, bucket budgeting, incorporating your values into your investment strategy without sacrificing performance, charitable giving and how it shapes both your finances and your heart, maintaining a “God owns it all” mindset, and teaching children and young adults how to manage money wisely.

This book is a valuable resource filled with practical steps for anyone who wants to manage their finances with Biblical wisdom and a stewardship mindset. I highly recommend it!

You can also connect with me on Goodreads to check out more reviews and recommendations. 

Book Review: Watership Down by Richard Adams

Watership Down by Richard Adams is a delightful and in parts quite exciting story about the adventures of a group of rabbits who strike out on their own after misgivings about danger in their warren. They encounter lots of dangers and uncertainties as they search for a new home. Some of these come from traditional enemies like predators, men, and weather but also other rabbits which provides lots of drama, mystery, and excitement. At several points in the story they share folklore tales of a rabbit named El-arairah who functions a little like Br’er Rabbit from Uncle Remus stories but with a bit more leadership of all rabbits. They also have their own language with a number of words used throughout the book.

I really enjoyed the character development of Hazel and his steady leadership throughout the book. Bigwig’s mission to Efrafa was like a mini spy story and I liked how he was the featured character for that section along with the battles they engaged in. Fiver was a bit mysterious but seemed settled and accepted in his role as a sort of prophet or seer by the end. General Woundwort was a primary antagonist and it was an interesting examination of a totalitarian and tyrannical system of governing. Kehaar the seagull was a fun addition to the cast with his brash sometimes laid back style and a loyal ally to the rabbits. 

For a story that Adams said was originally made up to entertain his daughters, there was a very male focus with all of the main characters being male and their society oriented in a patriarchal system with the females having minor docile roles that seem only there to serve the interests of the male characters. Adams seemed to try to slightly address this in one paragraph that I could see but didn’t really hold water for me. There’s also a strong militaristic orientation of the rabbits from a hierarchical perspective which could have been drawn from Adams’ experience in World War II.

There’s been question of whether or not this is a children’s book and in my thinking, you’d probably want the reader to be at least late elementary to middle school age due to the intensity of parts of the story though a discerning parent could either skip or guide a younger child through some of the more intense parts.

Overall, I really enjoyed the book and the adventures that the bunnies went on. It’s a classic in personified animal stories. They have well developed systems of thinking and acting which are interesting to read and think about how animals perceive the world and what their concerns, hopes, and dreams are. You might even learn a thing or two about rabbits.

If you found this review helpful and want to give it a thumbs up on Goodreads, I’d be glad to connect at this link.

The Slinky Song by Andrew Robert Allen

Sometimes the simplest lyrics and melodies connect with a 3 year old in a way that you'd never expect. This is a hit at our house.

 

This is the slinky song it isn't very long

This is the slinky song it isn't very long

Slinky, Slinky, Slinky, Slinky, Slinky, Slinky 

This is the slinky song it isn't very long

Happy 50th Anniversary!

50 years ago today, these two said I do. With so much going on in the world, it feels rare and a great blessing to have parents who have loved and been committed to each other for so many years. I’m so thankful for both of them in how they raised my brother and I in a home that valued faith in God and has celebrated many milestones and successes together as well as supported each other in the hard parts and challenges of life. I am thankful to have them as an active part of my life and as grandparents to our son. 

As you grow up and become an adult your relationship with your parents shifts but it’s so nice to have confidence that they are for you, acting as a resource and source of wisdom and counsel, and cheering for you as you navigate education, career, hobbies, friendships, relationships, marriage, and parenting. I’m blessed and thankful that God brought their paths together 50 years ago and that they have been such good parents and friends. Happy Anniversary Grady and Diane!

When the Grumpies Come to Town Song

When the grumpies come to town you must tell them settle down 

If you feel a little sad or even kind of mad

It’s time to make a change and turn that frown around and tell the grumpies that they need to settle down 

Settle down (settle down) settle down (settle down)

It’s time to make a change and turn that frown around and tell the grumpies that they need to settle down

When the grumpies come to town you must tell them settle down 

If your tummy says it’s time and you’re starting to whine

It’s time to make a change and turn that frown around and tell the grumpies that they need to settle down 

Settle down (settle down) settle down (settle down)

It’s time to make a change and turn that frown around and tell the grumpies that they need to settle down

When the grumpies come to town you must tell them settle down 

If your face is turning red cause it’s time to go to bed

It’s time to make a change and turn that frown around and tell the grumpies that they need to settle down 

Settle down (settle down) settle down (settle down)

It’s time to make a change and turn that frown around and tell the grumpies that they need to settle down

Read Through the Bible

This morning I finished reading the Bible all the way through again. I’ve been doing this off and on for the past 25 years or so and don’t know how many times I’ve completed it but in each season of life, I’ve found so many relevant passages speaking to the challenges, encouraging me, and pointing me to the author and perfecter of our faith. 

There is something powerful about consistently exposing your mind to a source of wisdom and spiritual truth over a long period of time and I have seen God use it over and over to impact my life. In Psalms 119:105 it says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” I’ve found the Bible to be a guiding light for me and will probably be reading and learning from it for the rest of my life.

If you’ve never read the Bible or read it all the way through it’s actually not that difficult to do. Like any good habit, all it takes is a little consistency and with just 10-15 minutes a day you can read through the Bible in a year. Apps like YouVersion’s Bible app have plans breaking it into bite sized chunks with a few chapters from the Old Testament, a few from the New Testament, a chapter from Psalms, and a couple verses from Proverbs each day. You can even make it a part of your commute or fitness routine by listening to the audio version. It’s the best seller of all time and can impact your life in deeply meaningful and eternally consequential ways. Why not start reading it today?

In Pursuit of His best,

Andrew

Book Review: This is Water by David Foster Wallace

There are only a few books that I intentionally have purchased with plans of reading them again. This Is Water is one of them. Originally a keynote from David Foster Wallace to the 2005 graduating class of Kenyon College (listen to the audio at this link) and put into a short book format with a sentence per page. The audio or video version is excellent as well and adds an element of humor that you may not pick up in the written version. The book does such a good job of bridging the gap between the idealism of the young launching into the world and the realities of the mundanities of adulthood and choosing how to think about them.

There is a lot of wisdom and truth and humor throughout the book but these are some key quotes that stood out to me.

“Learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think.”

“If you’re automatically sure that you know what reality is and who and what is really important-if you want to operate on your default setting- then you like me probably will not consider possibilities that aren’t pointless and annoying. But if you’ve really learned how to think, how to pay attention, then you will know you have other options.”

“there are all different kinds of freedom and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talked about in the great outside world of winning and achieving and displaying. The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day. That is real freedom.”

“Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And an outstanding reason for choosing some sort of God or spiritual type thing to worship…is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things…then you will never have enough. Never feel you have enough. It’s the truth. Worship your own body and beauty… and you will always feel ugly and when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally plant you…worship power you will feel weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power of others to keep the fear at bay. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart, you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. And so on. Look the insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they’re evil or sinful. It is that they are unconscious. They are default settings.”

(From a content warning perspective, he does reference suicide and given how his life ended, perhaps the speech should be taken as foreshadowing and with a grain of salt.) 

There are countless graduation speeches and some are profound, inspirational, instructive, funny or otherwise entertaining. On the whole, this slice of the graduation speech pie rates up at the top and can help shape a person’s thinking in meaningful and helpful ways if taken to heart. Best of all it can be read in 15-20 minutes at most. I recommend this book to anyone but especially those on the cusp of launching into adulthood or starting probably any endeavor that you’ve not attempted before.

If you'd like to read and review more books with me on on Goodreads, connect with me at this link.

In pursuit of His best,

Andrew

AI Music Creation

I created an AI band and song this week as an illustration for a presentation I did at work. The prompt I gave was create a 90s alternative rock song with the theme of being a steward at a financial planning and investment management company. I went through several iterations to get to a version I liked and was really impressed with the music quality though the lyrics could use a bit of refining.

AI is a good collaboration tool but don’t think it will ever fully replace humans in the music creation process. Music and the arts are subjective and while AI can do a pretty good job of approximating human likes and dislikes, it doesn’t have the lived experience, emotions, and innate cultural understanding for how something will resonate with humans and the context they’re living in. There will always need to be humans to guide the process at some level.

Checkout the song at this link  https://suno.com/song/b2cc71c9-5509-4413-83f5-3ef03dc96623?sh=8OnG18UnyzkaXLtS

Dad Files: I Like Shoes Song

Sometimes when helping toddler friends put on their shoes a fun song can help. Here’s a contribution to the toddler playlist. 

I like shoes, I like shoes, I like shoes, I like shoes,

How bout you?

I like shoes, I like shoes, I like shoes, I like shoes,

How bout you?

So put on your socks put on your shoes 

It’s my favorite thing to do 

Cause I like shoes, I like shoes, I like shoes, I like shoes,

How bout you?

Book Review: Theo of Golden by Allen Levi

 Theo of Golden by Allen Levi is a beautiful story of an elderly man who moves to Golden, Georgia from New York City. When first arriving, he comes across a coffee shop that has portraits hanging on the wall and he is drawn to the skill of the artist and depth of how well he captures each subject. He proceeds to buy them and gift them to the subject of the portraits in deeply meaningful and impactful meetings. 

Everyone carries some sadness, pain, discouragement, and emotional wounds from the hardness and brokenness of the world. Theo, in gifting the portraits to each of the subjects, is able to see through the mistakes in life and heaviness in their soul without judgment and to call out the value and goodness of each person he interacts with and encourages. What a gift of being truly seen and heard that goes far beyond a portrait. 

Theo is a great lover of the arts and uses this love to connect with others through a shared appreciation of drawings, paintings portraits, music, and literature. One of his gifts is in his ability to see to the essence of someone, listen deeply and with genuine interest to them, ask meaningful questions, and connect relationally with them without expectation of receiving anything in return other than a new friend.

He doesn’t seek recognition or attention and skillfully redirects questions about himself so the focus stays on the other person. We learn bits and pieces of Theo’s backstory throughout the book and gather that he was a very successful entrepreneur with connections across the world having grown up in Portugal and lived in many places but with lots of sadness and pain in his story as well. Keep reading to the end and then maybe read the book again, there’s a surprise that will reshape your understanding of the story in a beautiful way.

While the story is purposeful, has multiple layers, and goes somewhere, there is purity of enjoyment throughout the book that we can delight in Theo, his generosity, kindness, and his mission to be present and connect deeply with the subjects of the portraits and other friends and acquaintances he meets along the way. In Theo we see a picture of what it could look like to be the hands and feet of Jesus to others. He shows that even a man late in his life can have great impact on the world. I highly recommend this book as a character study in how to truly see and make people feel valued for who they are and what they have to offer the world. It is one of my favorite recently read books.

The city of Golden is loosely based on Columbus, Georgia where the author was originally from and has lots of local culture and character. When reading the section about the cello concert, check out the songs performed for a nice soundtrack to the book

There are several interviews on YouTube with the author which give a better sense of how he wrote the story and who he is as a person. He seems like a genuine and likable guy that you’d be glad to have as a friend or neighbor.

If you take the time to go to the author’s website at www.allenlevi.com, there is a recording of The Princess of Titalamish which is an elementary age story in the book that Theo shares with a young girl that he befriends.

If you found this review helpful and want to like it on Goodreads, I’d be glad to connect at this link.

Dad Files: Climbing Up the Stairs Song

The stairs can be a long tall climb for a toddler. This song has been a fun way to engage our toddler when he’s climbing up and down the stairs.

Climbing climbing climbing up the stairs 

Up up to the top like a big brown bear

Climbing climbing climbing down the stairs 

Down down to the ground like a big brown bear 

Dad Files: Fun Potty Training Song

Potty training can be one of the most challenging and frustrating things you’ll ever teach a child. Consistency is key and if you can make it fun, that certainly helps. I hear about 3 day potty training but seriously doubt the adoption level. I recommend against asking if toddler needs to go potty since the answer is almost always an emphatic NO! Sometimes toddler will say “I need to go potty“ primarily as an attention seeking behavior when he has no interest or intention of going to the potty. 

For those of you training a child to use the potty, I salute you. There’s a a lot of mess and a little success. People say that the child will almost surely be potty trained by the time they go to kindergarten and certainly by the time they’re in middle school but it feels like it will take forever in the middle of it. It will make you both laugh and cry. 

My favorite part is the toddler’s celebrations after success. “WOAH, IT’S A BIG POOP! WOW, YOU DID IT LOOK AT THE PEE IN THE POTTY!” Flushing can get overly ambitious with multiple flushes per potty use and toilet paper rolls can quickly spool out all over the floor if you don’t closely monitor as he grabs and spins the roll.

Here’s a fun potty training song to encourage you and your toddler in this important life skill.

Lyrics: If you need to poop, if you need to pee say I need to go to the potty. Push your pants down push them down to the ground when you need to go to the potty. You can read a book you can sing a song when you’re sitting on the potty training. When the job is done wipe then wash your hands then you can flush the potty training. Pull your pants up pull them up to the top after you’ve gone to the potty. If you need to poop if you need to pee say I need to go to the potty training. I need to go to the potty.

Math Joke

A calculus professor reviewed a new textbook for his class to use in the upcoming semester. He was hesitant since it was derivative but to his surprise it became an integral part of the class. #mathhumor

Dad Files: Toddler Days

Toddlers are loud almost all the time and run at full tilt. If in your exhaustion you leave them to their own self exploration, their natural state is entropy and every drawer will be opened, every door or cabinet will be opened and closed, if it has hinges it must be tested (yes there are child proofing mechanisms but some may be left undone when you retrieve items from them), any objects on tables will be thrown on the floor and plastic toys that can be banged on windows or the fireplace glass doors will be banged. Round objects especially will be thrown. Breakable objects are in dire peril. The cat will probably already have found a safe hiding spot but if not the toddler may chase her around the house. Christmas ornaments will definitely be removed from the tree and thrown or dumped on the floor if not outside of toddler’s reach. Without relative constant supervision a bored toddler can become destructive and your home will look like a minor natural disaster has come through. Sounds coupled with the mess will resemble the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes.

While a snuggly toddler can be fun, their high need for touch may become a bit much when they want to be held at meal times and wiggle and squirm as you attempt to eat. They’ll stick their hands in your face, cough or sneeze on you, and head butt you. Hopefully you can get a few things in their tummy too. 

Mealtime options that the toddler will actually consume can be compressed to very few options such as bread, pancakes, tortilla, bananas, yogurt, turkey, peanut butter sandwiches, and the occasional apple sauce or on rare occasions an actual apple or orange or even rarer a vegetable like tomatoes, broccoli, or carrots. Either at home or when going out to eat an activity box can be a saving grace and can include things like play dough, magna-tiles, crayons, cars, or other small items stored in a special toy box.

Toddler may either enjoy brushing teeth or fight you to not do so with arms flailing while screaming. The advantage of screaming is an open mouth to which you can apply a toothbrush. In the less confrontational sessions, he may actually enjoy it but watch out for the tongue which can consume all toothpaste or suck on the toothbrush like a lollipop prior to getting any on the teeth. There are fun songs you can sing to help with the process so be sure to check out options on YouTube where teeth brushing songs can be in the 100 million views range.

The exhaustion from months of nightly infant feedings may come back around as the toddler learns about sleep cycles and how to put himself back to sleep. Lullabies on a Bluetooth speaker can be a saving grace. If you allow toddler to climb in your bed after waking up screaming multiple times in the night, he will do all of the aforementioned lack of personal space things mentioned when eating in addition to kicking you, clapping, singing, and playing with the cat if she is also in the room. Rather than laying parallel, he commonly will roll around until he settles perpendicular to your head. If you don’t get the head side, you may get kicked in the head and if you do get the head side, head bumps can be a rude awakening. It’s unlikely you’ll get much sleep from this point in the night on. In general you should not count on sleeping beyond 6:15 on any morning with wake up calls also occurring frequently at 11:30 pm, 2:00 am, 4:15 am, 5:30 am. You probably will not use an actual alarm to wake you up for several years.

With potty training, it can be a long slow process. There may be joy initially at running around with no clothes on. As toddler begins to get the idea and that we go in the potty and not in the car or in your pants, he will verbalize these concepts but sometimes simultaneously with the moment he is watering the car seat. He may refuse to use the potty all day at daycare only to relieve himself halfway through the 10 minute car ride home upon announcing pp on the potty. There’s really nothing you can do at that point but resign yourself to a subsequent clean up. When toddler announces the need, the liquidation event is almost immediate. With number 2 you may have slightly more notice but if it occurs in the car you may be out of luck. 

If toddler is using pull ups and has gotten to the stage of pulling up pants and the pull up independently, it’s highly advised to check his work closely. Otherwise, the water cannon may not be sufficiently reinstalled in its proper place and can result in all clothing being soaked in the 10 minute ride to daycare in the morning which you get to cleanup while in the midst of trying to get to work. Toilet paper is a lot of fun so you will do well to guard the roll against the toddler’s over eager toilet paper tendencies. Potty time can become party time as you read books, sing songs, and toddler plays while waiting for deposits to be made. If you're not careful, toddler will manipulate you into being his personal potty entertainer. Your own privacy in using the bathroom will be fleeting as toddler is very interested in the whole process. 

Toddler’s cognitive skills will advance greatly and will surprise you at what and who they remember. He’ll sing songs loudly and joyfully. "Hickory dickery dock the mouse ran up the clock, happy birthday, Broccoli, celery, gotta be Veggie Tales, silent night, wheels on the bus, out jumps good ol’ Santa Claus Ho ho ho ho who wouldn’t go, Jesus loves me, I've got the joy, joy, joy joy down in my heart, five little monkeys jumping on the bed mama called the doctor and the doctor said no more monkeys jumping on the bed."

A remedy if he's bored and stir crazy is to follow him around as he explores outside. When you notice him being needy, destructive, or exhibiting undesirable behavior, sometimes all it takes is 5 minutes of undivided attention to get him back on the right track. 

Toddlers can be cute, fun, exciting, and sweet but they can also be selfish jerks throwing tantrums because they’re hungry, tired, want or don’t want a type of food or drink, want a toy, don’t want to share, get jealous, or generally don’t get their way on a time line of immediately. Strong emotions and screaming are frequent occurrences.

The crying as a baby was significant but the volume now pared with volatile strong emotions takes it to a completely different level. Tantrums when you’re well rested are manageable but can be overwhelming when exhausted and sleep deprived. There will be days, weeks, and months where you feel that this stage must pass soon or you yourself will soon pass.

Toddler will repeat the same thing incessantly until desire is complied with and may verge on a meltdown until it comes to pass. "My my my my MY MY MY! Want that Want that Want that Want that! Pita butter, Pita butter, PEANUT BUTTER PEANUT BUTTER! Want that bana, a bana, a bana, BANANA! Wanna go outside, wanna go outside, Go Outside, Go Outside, Go Outside! No like it no like it, NO LIKE IT, NO LIKE IT. Read a book, read a book, READ A BOOK!" His favorite word will be “NO.” Are you all done eating? “NO” Do you want more to eat “NO.” The answer to 90% of questions will be NO. He'll also have phrases that he repeats like "want to go back to bed" but never wants to actually go to bed. 

A regular activity will be climbing and jumping on tables, couches, and other objects he can fall from but seem like a lot of fun. Any trip to church must also be accompanied by a visit to the playground. The playground is one of his favorite activities and he also likes if you go down the slides too. Beware of the way up high playground equipment since toddler will want to climb up but is not fully ready for the heights quite yet. 

Toddler will surprise you with his door opening ability including locking and unlocking the door. Install childproof covers on door knobs or you may have an escapee. Getting chores done like loading or unloading the dishwasher while supervising toddler is theoretically possible but dramatically increases the amount of time to complete the task especially if toddler “helps.” Outdoor tasks are even more challenging and probably not advised with the added factor of toddler walking or running around the corner. 

He will love to see airplanes, helicopters, trains, school buses, garbage trucks, fire trucks, ambulances, and construction equipment in operation. Many toys have annoying songs and loud sounds. If the toys "lose" their batteries, the office of proper parental decisions will not cite you. For emergency vehicle toys with sounds, it's highly recommended to keep them out of your car or you may think you're getting pulled over when it's really just the backseat play police.

Exhaustion seems to be an almost constant state. Be sure to trade off responsibilities with your spouse and give each other breaks. Raising a toddler is a team sport. There are times when you wish you could capture the moment in a bottle and revisit it over and over and other times that may be funny in retrospect but are really really hard in the midst of it. There's a part of me that would like to be able to parachute into revisiting days or moments that are really fun, loving, and meaningful but perhaps that's the blessing of getting to be a grandparent. Enjoy the sweet snuggles, cute things they say and do, high energy, and excitement and hang in there with a lot of prayer.

In pursuit of His best,

Andrew

See https://www.pursuitofhisbest.com/2023/11/dad-files-months-17-18-painting-with.html?m=1 for the last edition of the Dad Files if you need to catch up.