Dad Files: Age 2.5 to 3.5 Tantrums, Potty Training, Communication Skills, Soccer, Boy Energy, Holidays, Precious Moments

While each stage of raising a child has its challenges, for me, age 2.5 to 3.5 years old has been the most challenging so far. There is the common adage of the days are long but the years are short. I also think of it as things go fast and slow. In the middle of nuclear meltdown tantrums, potty training difficulties, constant correction, and exhaustion from sleep deprivation, its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel or even if there is a light. But there are also extremely sweet, cute, and fun moments that you want to hold on to forever. 

As you see your child cognitively developing and connecting dots more and more and maturing emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically there can be moments of wanting to pause time and say "Wait, wait don't grow up too fast; I love this part of who you are and the blessing of who you're becoming. Yes, I want you to be able to go to the potty by yourself, dress yourself, clean up after yourself, and many other things but there is so much in this phase that is fun and adorable and precious." It's in those moments that I try to find a little more energy and dig deep to engage with and connect with him even when I'm beyond tired. 

Making Banana Bread

When he's having a hard time and acting out, if I can give him 10 minutes of undivided attention, it goes a long way to filling his love tank. When I'm groggy and still trying to wake up and would like 15 minutes to myself in the morning and he's whining and screaming and generally grumpy because he's awake and wants to be held while I make him breakfast and then sit with me while we both try to eat, I let him do that most of the time. I know this stage will pass and don't want to miss a moment. To capture pieces of it, I sometimes record him talking so I can revisit moments when he's older. 

I've heard people say "use your words" in a humorous context in the past but have a much deeper and more visceral understanding of it now. When you know your child has the ability to express his needs and desires but chooses instead variations on a shaking/screaming tantrum, whining, crying, yelling in anger or exaltation, it can be maddening. "I don't want it, I want it" is also a communication technique of the child as he works through the emotions and what he actually wants or doesn't want. This may be applied to food, toys, bath time, bed time, school, church, daddy, mommy, the cat or other people, items, or events. Related to this is the whiplash of going from a rage filled screaming fit to happy little guy 5 minutes later which can be staggering. 

Allen & Son Inc. building fine log cabins

"We're NOT going to school" may sometimes be a refrain when driving in the car as he expresses strong opinions on where you're driving. Another is “it’s not bedtime, IT’S NOT!" When enthusiastic boy energy is on display, “use your inside voice" is a phrase that finds its way into these contexts. Other common phrases that we'll say are "use your hands to help your feet" when putting on or taking off clothing and "is that a good choice or a bad choice?" Rather than disagree when he makes some statement or expresses his opinion, simply repeating his words can keep the peace even if there is no obligation to carry through on a demand. There's probably a lot to be learned from this form of validating someone's communication and making them feel heard.

Giddy up

Playground Time

Daycare dropoffs can become really challenging at times during this stage even though he mostly enjoys school and he'll sometimes meltdown in the hallway while taking him to his class. This is primarily because he just doesn't want to leave you. Tattling and excuses while calling out the fault of another child can also become prominent and as a parent you can get frustrated because so and so did this or so and so did that even though so and so has never been to your house and your child hasn't seen him in a week or more. 

Waterfall adventure

Child's capacity to open doors during this stage improves meaningfully so if you haven't already installed a childproof door knob apparatus, this is greatly encouraged or else he may be outside before you are aware. Related to this is his running and fast walking capability which makes any outside time vital to keep eyes on him at all times. On days when it has rained or the ground is otherwise wet, a large percentage of puddles must be jumped in. Bonus points if done immediately before getting in the car and putting feet on seats while climbing up.

Snack time: milk & chocolate chips? 

If child is in another part of the house, you will learn to keep an ear out for normal boy sounds and if it becomes quiet should go check in case he is into something he should not be. In several areas around the house you may find hand and finger smudges along the lower part of the walls which are especially notable on the journey up or down stairs. If there is a preference for climbing up or down stairs while leading mainly with one leg, the Dr. Suess line "left foot, right foot, left foot, right feet in the day feet in the night" can be of assistance in engaging the less favored leg. A climbing song like this may also help.

Potty training may take much longer than you ever thought possible and while you may have graduate degrees, composed a symphony, done brain surgery, can do advanced calculus, design financial derivatives, or passed the medical/bar exam, teaching another human to use the potty can be one of the most challenging things you've ever attempted. It's so frustrating when you know that your child has the skills but just can't be bothered to go to the potty when he needs to go. It is amazing though as you do begin to see progress however gradual and his excitement at going to the stand up potty. At some point, you'll reach a phase when there are very few accidents and that feels life changing. To the greatest extent possible, making it fun is really helpful and using songs, reading books, bringing a toy, giving him a potty watch with an alarm, and using funny voices for the potty are all techniques that can help. 

Hiking with sunflowers

Team sports may or may not be a hit at this age. We tried 3 year old soccer at a local church and while well intentioned, I don't think the program designers fully thought through having a child go through relatively lengthy warm up drills. Even if they're fun such as hop like a frog or run like a cheetah without using a soccer ball, your 3 year old is there to play soccer and when he sees the goals and balls elsewhere may run away from the group in pursuit of kicking a soccer ball or other interests. As a parent, this will likely be much funnier in retrospect than in the moment as you're sprinting across the field to corral and redirect him back to the team and encouraging him to listen to and do what coach says. It is also a less than amazing experience when most of the teammates are engaged in the prescribed activity while your child refuses to participate and is laying on the ground. 

First soccer season

Once the team gets around to kicking the soccer ball, the outlook improves. However, in scrimmage, your child may be furious when another child kicks the ball away from him and exhibit his unfiltered emotions in big ways. At one time, among 8 kids on the field that should have been scrimmaging, some were off drinking water, some were sitting or laying on the ground, some wondered elsewhere, and only one was actually still engaged in the game. A good way to describe this phase of athletic development is mob ball spurred on by moments of mass chaos. 

If you try to exercise while in the same room with child, he may want to get involved in the process and

Saturday Morning Pickleball

climb on or lay on top of you. While this adds some additional weight resistance, it can interrupt the normal routine and you may need to creatively do squats while holding the child as the weight, pushups with child laying on top of you, or crunches while using child as an up and down partner. Other athletic related activities that he may enjoy include going to the tennis/pickleball court and either hitting balls with you using the paddle or throwing and chasing balls around the court when his interest diverts. If there is an accessible outdoor basketball hoop, he will also have interest in going to see it and throwing it himself or encouraging you to shoot a basketball, soccer ball, or other bouncy balls into the hoop.  

When brushing teeth, the child may be more interested in eating the toothpaste than applying it to his teeth with a toothbrush so this requires substantial direction and navigating around the tongue by the supervising adult. There are numerous teeth brushing songs available to assist in entertaining and maintaining focus during this time. As child gets older, his teeth brushing skills will improve though he will still require close monitoring and assistance. We've found recently that an electric tooth brush has actually been a fairly successful tool that he can mostly operate himself. Figuring out that you spit out rather than swallow toothpaste is a skill that will require ongoing training and development. 

Snow day!

Child will have much more interest and engagement with holidays. The decorations of each hold special interest and he will talk at great length about the skeletons and Halloween, the turkeys, Christmas lights, the manger, angels, and Valentines. When he sees flags after learning about super heroes, he will sometimes reference the Captain America flag. Also related to super heroes is the interest in putting on capes and masks and running around the house with daddy (who is also clad in a cape and mask) and exhibiting loud noises in pursuit of general super hero activities. 

Our little pumpkin

Polar Express

Happy New Year!

Child usually loves the kitty and may aggressively play with her and chase her around the house yelling "KITTY!" as he gleefully runs after her. It's important to teach gentle hands and being kind to the kitty even if the cat is very patient and tolerant. 

During nap time, there will come a point that he begins to transition away from sleeping and it turns into a private play session. If you have a video monitor,  you can observe all stuffed animals, books, and toys brought into bed with child as he plays and sings for the next 1 to 2 hours. Occasionally this will coincide with an actual nap which makes for a fun picture on the video monitor. There is still value in independent quiet time for you and him even if he does not sleep. If he protests vociferously and simply will not agree to go to his room without screaming, an alternate nap option can be to bring him into a family room and say that we're going to rest our bodies. This can sometimes be a more acceptable communication technique of getting nap/rest time to actually occur.

#NapAnywhere

Child's desired timeline and yours as it relates to bed time routine activities can vary significantly. You will notice glacial speed when eating dinner, walking up the stairs, playing with anything along the way, asking to be picked up or to ride on daddy's shoulders. Child will become skillful at manipulating and requesting one more book, one more song, playing with stuffed animals, being silly, jumping up and down in bed, anything to squeeze another minute/second out of the evening. I actually enjoy the bedtime routine but it comes at the part of the day when you're most tired and just need a few minutes of peace and quiet to yourself so prolonging it can feel hard even though there are also really fun, sweet, and precious moments that you wouldn't trade. It's especially heart warming when your child engages in praying himself and thanks God for different people, events, or things in his life.

Singing Silent Night at Church

Hang in there, post 3.5 years old things begin improving a bit and you'll experience moments of normal human interaction with child. 

For the last Dad Files: Toddler Days post, check out this link.

In pursuit of His best,

Andrew

Book Review: Women of Worth by Bethany Frymire

In Women of Worth, Bethany Frymire gets to the heart of how we think about money. She’s down to earth, genuine, and refreshingly open about her own journey. The writing is engaging and at times even entertaining (how many finance books can say that?). While she offers sound, practical financial advice, the book goes much deeper, addressing identity, faith, and viewing money through the lens of stewardship over all aspects of life.

Reading the book feels like sitting down with a wise and fun friend over coffee or lunch. Bethany is especially relatable to busy moms juggling a hundred responsibilities and comes across not just as a financial expert, but rather a trusted friend who can help guide you along your journey with money. She doesn’t just talk the talk, she lives out the principles and illustrates them through stories from her own life.

Throughout the book, you get the strong impression that she knows God deeply and regularly seeks His guidance. Biblical wisdom is woven through the book in a beautiful tapestry that connects financial decisions with broader areas of life.

While the book is written primarily with women in mind, men can learn a great deal from the stories and practical financial guidance it contains not to mention gain insight into the women in their lives.

The stories of people Bethany has worked with bring the principles to life. She touches on issues such as overcoming debt and shame, bucket budgeting, incorporating your values into your investment strategy without sacrificing performance, charitable giving and how it shapes both your finances and your heart, maintaining a “God owns it all” mindset, and teaching children and young adults how to manage money wisely.

This book is a valuable resource filled with practical steps for anyone who wants to manage their finances with Biblical wisdom and a stewardship mindset. I highly recommend it!

You can also connect with me on Goodreads to check out more reviews and recommendations. 

Book Review: Watership Down by Richard Adams

Watership Down by Richard Adams is a delightful and in parts quite exciting story about the adventures of a group of rabbits who strike out on their own after misgivings about danger in their warren. They encounter lots of dangers and uncertainties as they search for a new home. Some of these come from traditional enemies like predators, men, and weather but also other rabbits which provides lots of drama, mystery, and excitement. At several points in the story they share folklore tales of a rabbit named El-arairah who functions a little like Br’er Rabbit from Uncle Remus stories but with a bit more leadership of all rabbits. They also have their own language with a number of words used throughout the book.

I really enjoyed the character development of Hazel and his steady leadership throughout the book. Bigwig’s mission to Efrafa was like a mini spy story and I liked how he was the featured character for that section along with the battles they engaged in. Fiver was a bit mysterious but seemed settled and accepted in his role as a sort of prophet or seer by the end. General Woundwort was a primary antagonist and it was an interesting examination of a totalitarian and tyrannical system of governing. Kehaar the seagull was a fun addition to the cast with his brash sometimes laid back style and a loyal ally to the rabbits. 

For a story that Adams said was originally made up to entertain his daughters, there was a very male focus with all of the main characters being male and their society oriented in a patriarchal system with the females having minor docile roles that seem only there to serve the interests of the male characters. Adams seemed to try to slightly address this in one paragraph that I could see but didn’t really hold water for me. There’s also a strong militaristic orientation of the rabbits from a hierarchical perspective which could have been drawn from Adams’ experience in World War II.

There’s been question of whether or not this is a children’s book and in my thinking, you’d probably want the reader to be at least late elementary to middle school age due to the intensity of parts of the story though a discerning parent could either skip or guide a younger child through some of the more intense parts.

Overall, I really enjoyed the book and the adventures that the bunnies went on. It’s a classic in personified animal stories. They have well developed systems of thinking and acting which are interesting to read and think about how animals perceive the world and what their concerns, hopes, and dreams are. You might even learn a thing or two about rabbits.

If you found this review helpful and want to give it a thumbs up on Goodreads, I’d be glad to connect at this link.

The Slinky Song by Andrew Robert Allen

Sometimes the simplest lyrics and melodies connect with a 3 year old in a way that you'd never expect. This is a hit at our house.

 

This is the slinky song it isn't very long

This is the slinky song it isn't very long

Slinky, Slinky, Slinky, Slinky, Slinky, Slinky 

This is the slinky song it isn't very long

Happy 50th Anniversary!

50 years ago today, these two said I do. With so much going on in the world, it feels rare and a great blessing to have parents who have loved and been committed to each other for so many years. I’m so thankful for both of them in how they raised my brother and I in a home that valued faith in God and has celebrated many milestones and successes together as well as supported each other in the hard parts and challenges of life. I am thankful to have them as an active part of my life and as grandparents to our son. 

As you grow up and become an adult your relationship with your parents shifts but it’s so nice to have confidence that they are for you, acting as a resource and source of wisdom and counsel, and cheering for you as you navigate education, career, hobbies, friendships, relationships, marriage, and parenting. I’m blessed and thankful that God brought their paths together 50 years ago and that they have been such good parents and friends. Happy Anniversary Grady and Diane!

When the Grumpies Come to Town Song

When the grumpies come to town you must tell them settle down 

If you feel a little sad or even kind of mad

It’s time to make a change and turn that frown around and tell the grumpies that they need to settle down 

Settle down (settle down) settle down (settle down)

It’s time to make a change and turn that frown around and tell the grumpies that they need to settle down

When the grumpies come to town you must tell them settle down 

If your tummy says it’s time and you’re starting to whine

It’s time to make a change and turn that frown around and tell the grumpies that they need to settle down 

Settle down (settle down) settle down (settle down)

It’s time to make a change and turn that frown around and tell the grumpies that they need to settle down

When the grumpies come to town you must tell them settle down 

If your face is turning red cause it’s time to go to bed

It’s time to make a change and turn that frown around and tell the grumpies that they need to settle down 

Settle down (settle down) settle down (settle down)

It’s time to make a change and turn that frown around and tell the grumpies that they need to settle down

Read Through the Bible

This morning I finished reading the Bible all the way through again. I’ve been doing this off and on for the past 25 years or so and don’t know how many times I’ve completed it but in each season of life, I’ve found so many relevant passages speaking to the challenges, encouraging me, and pointing me to the author and perfecter of our faith. 

There is something powerful about consistently exposing your mind to a source of wisdom and spiritual truth over a long period of time and I have seen God use it over and over to impact my life. In Psalms 119:105 it says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” I’ve found the Bible to be a guiding light for me and will probably be reading and learning from it for the rest of my life.

If you’ve never read the Bible or read it all the way through it’s actually not that difficult to do. Like any good habit, all it takes is a little consistency and with just 10-15 minutes a day you can read through the Bible in a year. Apps like YouVersion’s Bible app have plans breaking it into bite sized chunks with a few chapters from the Old Testament, a few from the New Testament, a chapter from Psalms, and a couple verses from Proverbs each day. You can even make it a part of your commute or fitness routine by listening to the audio version. It’s the best seller of all time and can impact your life in deeply meaningful and eternally consequential ways. Why not start reading it today?

In Pursuit of His best,

Andrew