Monday, May 30, 2022

Dad Files: 1 Month Insights: Sleep Deprivation, Diaper Changes, and Goat Sounds

Baby can quickly go from calm or sleeping to DEFCON level screaming at the top of his lungs. This is common if not meeting previously negotiated feeding times with baby. He will make your ears pay dearly for tardiness.

Babies and goats can make similar sounds which may be why they’re both called kids.

You will frequently feel an insatiable desire to sleep. If friends, family, neighbors, or work colleagues are not interesting and to the point, you get a free pass for a few winks of sleep. Really it’s on them and will encourage more efficient communication.

You can get decent strength training done by lifting, holding and playing with baby who should be steadily growing and adding to weight resistance.

You will willingly allow another human to fart on you. Volume and length of flatulence is disproportionate to the size of baby. You will learn to distinguish between a dry one and a juicy one the later which requires a subsequent diaper change.

When completing diaper change and holding legs in the air to clean the backside, beware of the crack which can expel either more of what you just cleansed concurrent with diaper change or fart directly in your face. Bending down close to the danger zone is ill advised and done at your own peril.

When in public, you should always have multiple diapers on hand as well as additional clothing for both baby and you. Blowout risk is real.

Showering with the baby is an efficient way of bathing him. Having one parent hold and one bathe is helpful. When cleaning the front side, beware the water cannon which may go off at any time unannounced.

Grandparents, other family, or friends can provide a nice respite if you need a nap, eat a meal with hands unencumbered, exercise, shower, or to run an errand. Friends or family who offer to do house work or bring a meal are greatly appreciated and get extra bonus points.

Your wife will do some very selfless things. 

A happy, fed, rested baby with a fresh diaper can be sweet and a lot of fun.

In pursuit of His best,


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